It started out with a kiss how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss. Now I'm falling asleep and she's taking a drag. Now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick and it's all in my head but she's touching his chest noww. He takes off her dress now, letting me go. I just can't look it's killing me and taking control. Jelousy, turning saints into the sea, chocking on your alibis. It's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me.
So some things are falling into place. A perfect oppourtunity may have fallen into my lap and I can't help but be dying to take it. Olivia and I have a condo on the beach in Florida waiting for us. Sarah said she will pay all of the rent and food. We would each have our own room, share a bathroom, and our cars could be brought with us. Jackson Community College is right on the island within biking distance. University of Florida is 20 minutes away. She knows a lot of people who work in surf shops and restauraunts and could easily get us a job. I'm already sold on the idea and a fresh start sounds so incredably amazing.
Whenever I get in a rank mood I'm trying to look at the future. So far it's working. Friday we're all going to my cottage to tube and all that jazz. Sunday we're waking up, hangin out for a little bit until we can check into our room and then we're headed to soaring eagle. We have the same suite we had for my birthday which is the best one in the hotel. It has the door that leads right out to the fountain and pool. Then Tuesday-Friday I'm working at IXL! I'm real excited to see everyone even though I have stopped in there a few times. Then Saturday I leave for Florida. Just an escape from all of this is going to be great. I kinda am thinking of not even taking my phone! Scope out what could shortly be my future home..you know. haha.
Things in boy world arn't great. I think I'm actually starting to appreciate the single life but it sucks when all of your friends have boyfriends and you don't. When they're always with them it kinda leaves me hangin. Oh well I guess, someday I'll be in that boat again. I think my next relationship will be hard though. After being completely dropped after two years like it was nothing by someone whom you had all the faith in the world in trust runs dry. After hanging out with someone else for a couple of months and getting all hyped on that idea and well lets not even get into details there. Basically, the trust was runnin dry after the two years thing, after being screwed over yet again the trust for boys is about zero. I just want to find a good guy. One who will make me want to be a better person and I know I shouldn't want to rely on someone for that but I like having that. One who is stabel with money and I won't have to pay for everything. One who is caring and on and on and on. I don't think my list is very difficult to fulfill but appearantly I'm asking too much.
I also think I'm going to stop drinking. A. it makes me fat. B. I drank 10+ beers in one day and made it rain. (worst fear) C. it's a depressant and makes my life seem a million x worse than it really is D. I cut my head open...I could probably go all the way to Z but basically...no more.
Basically, I wanna make my parents proud again. Boss lady is gonna help me thru this. She suggested I make a list of things I want to change and work on it a little bit each day. For once she's startin to make some sense and do more than pretend to listen.. I'm gonna work full time get a lot of money. Enroll into school. Find a good relationship. Work on trusting people a little more and fixing myself.
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